romance writers

time to crack a joke.

at a convention of romance writers of america, where most of the attendees were women, a cheeky man was seen walking about the large hotel lobby wearing a t-shirt with two messages on it.

on the front: my wife writes romance novels.

on the back: and i do the research.

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why on earth do you need cyanide, lady?

a lady walked into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. the pharmacist says, "why in the world do you need cyanide?" the lady explains that she needs it to poison her husband.

the pharmacist's eyes widen and he says,"Lord have mercy, i can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! that's against the law! they'll throw both of us in jail and i'll lose my license."
the lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife, and hands it to the pharmacist.

the pharmacist looks at the picture and replies, "well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

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full time service

Susan was married to a male chauvinist. they both worked full time but he never did anythin around the house and certainly not any housework. that, he declared, was "women's work!"
one evening, susan arrived home from work to find the children bathed, clothes washed and dinner cooked and beautifully placed on the table, complete with flowers. she was astonished, and immediately wanted to know what was goin on.

it turned out that her husband had read a male magazine article that suggested workin women wives would be more romatically inclined and ready for love makin if they weren't too tired from havin to do all the housework, in addition to holdin down a full time job.

the next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office.

"how did it work out?" they asked.

"well, great dinner. he even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put away everythin. i really enjoyed my evenin".

"but what about afterwards?" her friends wanted to know.

"it didn't work out. he was too tired."

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so she married a datuk

where were we? oh, my friend..she married a datuk today. bless her. she looks so pretty tonight. her man, so so. he looked huge, almost like a hercules. or is it mr. incredible? he suits her fine, hope this day will be a beginnin of a beautiful love story with the fairytale endin.

oh come on, real life is not like that. ask me, i've been married for almost 3 year, at least i know how to fly the 'relationship kite' better than those singles out there. this by far is the only tactic that works.

just like how you handle a kite- let loose, pull back, let loose, pull back, there need to be a certain level of give and take, freedom and control in a relationship and eventually your kite will be smooth sailin up in the deep blue sky, provided it's a sunny day. when the sky is not clear, and gloomy, keep your kite at home just like how you keep your mouth shut when both are so heated up you can almost make a kettle boil by puttin it up on your head.

so today, my friend married a datuk. big deal. because datuk's father is a tan sri. this one, big leg.

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Men are like ...

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. LOL.

Men are like....

1. Men are like .. Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like ...... Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ..... Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

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In-laws

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."

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The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake m e at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.

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words use a day

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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Someone please brew the coffee

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"

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